Bipolar Disorder

" We all have our ups and downs, our "off" days and our "on" days, but if you're suffering from bipolar disorder, these peaks and valleys are more severe. The symptoms of bipolar disorder can hurt your job and school performance, damage your relationships, and disrupt your daily life. And although bipolar disorder is treatable, many people don’t recognize the warning signs and get the help they need. Since bipolar disorder tends to worsen without treatment, it’s important to learn what the symptoms look like. Recognizing the problem is the first step to getting it under control."

I go off about the littlest things and it really does make it harder to keep my love. I take it out on him so many times and i do realize that i need help. I don't want to lose him over some medical imbalance in my head.This is so fucked up. I'm trying to make it better but it's soooo hard. I will get help as soon as i get the medical coverage. I will. I promise. I was on medication before and it made me feel ten times better, so did working out and working in general but i can't afford it right now. I love him and i will make this work. For the better i will make this work. Bipolar Disorder is a serious medical condition. I've even been so down that i have wanted to kill myself. I will get through this at some time.

"Bipolar disorder (also known as manic depression) causes serious shifts in a person’s mood, energy, thinking, and behavior – from the highs of mania on one extreme, to the lows of depression on the other. More than just a fleeting good or bad mood, the cycles of bipolar disorder last for days, weeks, or months. And unlike ordinary mood swings, the mood changes of bipolar disorder are so intense that they interfere with your ability to function."

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bipolar_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm

Date Night with the Husband

So tonight me and my love went to see Funny People. It was a pretty good movie.Not as funny as i thought it would be but it was still pretty good. I did alot of thinking during the movie because it does make you think. I'm still getting used to living in such a casino town where mostly everything is 24hrs. The movie theaters was inside a casino/hotel place not to far from where we are staying for the time being. I'm also still looking for a job and a school to go to. We had to pick the city with the highest unemployment rate in the country.Go figure.I love being here though. Such a change from Boston but in a good way. I still can't believe that me and him actually did it, went cross country but i'm glad we did. The best decision that me and him could have ever made. Getting settled in very steadily but im very proud of me and him. I don't have a camera yet but soon.And im getting a new phone very soon as well sooooooo yeah. Ohh and me and the hubby are trying to have a baby so wish us luck. Some may say we're young but i'm soo ready for this in our life. Ain't no better time than the present. So im gonna get ready for bed. Good Nite Bitches

Update

Oh geez, i know its been forever since i blogged but i've been super busy recently. (Not like anybody really reads this anyway but i don't really care..lol). I just pretty much am getting settled into my new place with the hubby. Soooooo glad we decided to do this and try something completly new. I love it out here. Although i'm still getting used to the weather and the 3 hours behind time difference..which is kicking my ass sometimes..lol. I love this city. Me and the hubby bought a truck yesterday and yes, we are gonna trick it out so it looks sick.lol. Looking for some schools and a new job so i can have money..which is always nice. It's something that i would have never done before meeting him but im glad i did. He means the world to me and i wouldn't change us or anything we've been through for the world. I'd rather have him to fight with than not argue with anybody else. =). I love him way to much. We're getting tattoos soon with each others names because i must admit i would do so much for him and he would do so much for me.We'll i'll have a new one as soon as i can.
Love Ya Bitches
Muahzzz

awake at 230 am & Las Vegas

OK, so i was woken up out of a great sleep at 230 am this morning by gun shots. My hubby woke me up by shaking me and saying "I think someone's been shot".And it was super close to where i was laying. And then the guy ran through our backyard because he lived in the building and he was trying to get inside so the cops wouldn't catch him. But the sucky part for him was that the cops were already around here anyway for something else so it took all of two seconds to catch him. Police officers, and flashlights were eveeeerrrryyyywherrreeee dude. it was crazy. I was up till 4 or something because i couldn't sleep at all. That was one hell of a way to wake up in the morning. lol
And im super excited because at the end of this month me and my love are moving. Whoop Whoop. Moving to Las Vegas. looking for a place right now. I'm super excited because when i go there i'm going to start school for cosmetology. I'm super thrilled about starting a new life with him and our future family. oh, and as soon i get my new camera i will start doing some makeup stuff and stuff like that...lol..blegh i really cant even talk today..[or type for that matter]. Enjoy the weather if its warm wherever you are.

New Moon

I just saw the new moon trailer and OMG am i super excited for it to come out. I missed my Edward, and Jacob. I haven't decided who i like more but im leaning toward Edward for one reason. It's Edward Cullen ya'll[southern accent].

Ohh, and i hate the rain with a passion. I'm stuck in a room all day today because i live with my husband but he's just renting a room until we move. I've recently gotten back into my makeup and playing around with it again. I have no money right now as i am unemployed until we move but when i get a new job i will be right back on my quest for make-up. He might not like it but it's the money i will be making from my job, i can spend a few dollars on what i want. =)

Much Love Yall.

ughhh

As he sits out there playing madden once again, i sit here confused. I keep running away from him and yet somehow he keeps pulling me back. As if to know that i want to be with him more than anything else in the world. Which is true. But is the life we have right now the life i really want. I know he says he'll take care of me but i'm scared. I wonder if i got myself too far into everything with him. I have no job anymore because he has a way of persuading me into doing whatever he wants me to do. He has a way of making me do what he wants. Even if i know in my heart i don't want to i will do whatever he wants me to. I think im pregnant and even though i know he would be a great dad if i am i'm still scared about the whole thing. That maybe im rushing into everything. I wonder if i rushed into everything with him. 6 months after metting him im married, moving to a completly different state with nobody i know to help me or talk to, and possibly a baby to take care of. I do love him with my whole heart, i just wonder if right now this is the right desicion for both of us. I know in my heart i will keep running away from him and he keeps saying that he will keep chasing after me. I have thought about killing myself to get away from this. I have thought about taking this child and never telling him that i have this child. The hardest part is listening to him tell me that he wants to kill me, or that he will put his money into finding me, he won't let me leave and im scared. Really scared that one day i won't be around anymore. I wish i could walk away from this man but i can't. We've gotten into fights about everything and anything.He has hit me, chased me everywhere, yelled my name and has cried in my arms. I don't know how to get away from him and i don't think i want to really. He has given me so much more love than i could have asked for from anybody.But im super worried that at some point were gonna fall apart and its not going to work. I really don't want to be 30 years old, divorced with 4 kids.It's not even cool. but i guess you don't know until it happens. <33

I miss him

On sunday, i lost one of the most important people in my life. I've been holding most of my feelings inside because i suck at expressing myself. My grandfather meant the world to me. He was more like my father than my grandfather as i grew up. Him being gone hurts me so much. I cry randomly and even though i know he's not suffering it is amazingly hard to know hes gone. I'm so heartbroken and recently all I've been doing is cooking. I don't know why but that's all. Jesse's been with me and has really helped me cope recently but i don't know. It's so weird without him here. I knew he was going to pass on at some point but i never thought it would be this soon. He has been the reason for me doing everything i have done. He was my inspiration. The person that has made me strong. And i know he was proud of everything i have done and everything i will do. And i know everything will be in memory of him. Recently i haven't been sleeping as well as i used to and i guess i had so much more to say to him. Growing up we didn't have the normal grandfather/daughter type of relationship i guess but i was proud that he was mine. He taught me alot about hard work and i will always owe that to him. His love for his wife and children was something that i will try to duplicate. He fought to make my life better in war and his own life and i am eternally grateful for that fact. He will always be my hero. In my heart he will live forever. May you rest in peace grandpa. I will love you forever. [Gilbert Law Mitchell 1927-2009]