Spirituality, Religion and Body Modificiation

So the other day i was watching The View i believe and there was a news story about a young girl who was being suspended from school because she had a nose piercing and supposedly it violated her school dress code. She says it goes against her first amendment right seeing as she is a member of The Church of Body Modification. Now i have never heard about it and seeing as i am one of those people that likes to research anything and everything that interests me i googled it. Now I'm not big on religion whatsoever and i hardly go to church unless i have to for some reason. I consider myself an agnostic (i don't say that god doesn't exist i just can't say that he does without some type of evidence that he does in a nutshell and because nobody can tell me that they have seen him or her i don't have the evidence i need). Anyway, i looked up the church and read the mission statement and it said

"We, the congregation of the Church of Body Modification, will always respect our bodies. We promise to always grow as individuals through body modification and what it can teach us about who we are and what we can do. We vow to share our experiences openly and honestly in order to promote growth in mind, body, and soul. We honor all forms of body modification and those who choose to practice body modification for any reason. We also promise to respect those who do not choose body modification. We support all that join us in our mission and help those seeking us in need of spiritual guidance. We strive to share a positive message with everyone we encounter, in order to act as positive role models for future generations in the body modification community. We always uphold basic codes of ethics and encourage others to do the same. We are a dynamic community, always growing and changing, continually promoting safety, education, and experience in body modification."

And i do believe that getting a piece of metal stuck through your body or to have a needle repeatedly stab through your flesh to put a piece of art or words or whatever it may be permanently on your body is pretty spiritual. Personally, it kind of puts me in a trance when i get them done. I love it. I love the feeling. The way it looks when done properly. The beauty of them. The fact that you can pretty much wear your heart on your sleeve(or arm, or neck, or leg or whatever it may be). I have this obsession with them. The fact that you have to prepare yourself for that initial pain. It's beautiful. Deciding that you want to change something about yourself is a focus. It's not like changing your hair color or the shoes on your feet. You can change that if you don't like it. Getting a piece of art placed on the outside of you body can be done beautifully if done correctly. I love every one of my tattoos and piercings and i know that later in life when I'm old and gray and saggy i won't care. To be honest I'll still probably show them off. All of them show dedication to certain aspects of my life. My "Twitch" one stands for my time in the navy. My "what goes around comes around" one stands to remind me that everything i do will be returned to me. Good things come to good people. Like attracts like. Karma is a bitch. And my last name is just that, my last name. It's beauty to me. It's my connection to my family where ever i am. My maiden name. Because when i am officially married i will be taken my husband to be name. And i will be getting both his first and last name as a tattoo on my body. Why? Because he will always be my first husband and i will always be his first wife.

Body modification pretty much means anything that changes your body or appearance. There are tattoos and piercings. Scarification. Implants.Amputations. Corseting/Waist Training. Ear cropping. Elf Ears.And Tongue Splitting. So now you know my opinion.

It's all a little bit crazy in here

Let me preface this by saying that I'm not complaining about my life. I know it could be worse. I could be homeless or have a missing limb or something. I understand that. I just need to vent somehow.

Have you ever woken up and felt like you wanted to just close your eyes and hope that everything is a dream? I feel like i had everything in my life for the taking and because of some stupid decisions i made i have nothing now. Which i guess is kind of true now. Yes i have a roof over my head but i was doing so much better for myself two years ago. I had a amazing job that i was relatively happy at, making a decent wage with some amazing things going for me and now it seems like i have to start all over again. It's hard. Especially in this economy. All i want to do is wake up and hope that this is all a dream. I still have psychological issues regarding my ex boyfriend and the fact that i would have had a baby right now. Things like that stick with me. No  matter how hard i try to not let it affect me it does. Don't get me wrong i love my fiance. He is an amazing man and even after everything we have been through together in this short year relationship i wouldn't trade him for the world. I just wonder sometimes about everything else that would have happened in my life if i had stayed in Vegas. If i had had the baby. If i had married my ex. But things happen for a reason so i try to think about the good things in life instead of all the bad.

I also feel like with all my medical issues i need to get those things situated. I need to go back on my medications. To go back to therapy. Not because i think I'm crazy but because i wake up some mornings wanting to just kill myself. I know, how dramatic right? But I'm serious. I've even gone as far as figuring out how i was going to do without endangering anybody else. I know some people might think suicide is selfish but I'm not religious in any sense. I'm agnostic. It's a problem. Bipolar/Depression is not an easy disease. Some days i feel like nothing in my life will be going right so whats the point of even being here. It's not something i enjoy having nor is it something that i pretend to have. I have it. I have to deal with it. And when i get my medications i feel like i will be a little more situated. At least with that. I also have my twitches/weird seizure things that nobody has been able to even figure out about. And the fact that i was recently diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. I mean, really, what else can go wrong with me? And every time i freak out on him he still just makes me laugh regardless. I can't help but smile and laugh around him. What more could i ask for in a man? Just thinking about him I'm laughing. I don't know if that's odd but i love it.

The Dress

Since before i started planning this wedding i knew what i wanted. I always have. Something simple and relaxed. Nothing fancy or over the top. As long as at the end of the day i am married to my best friend and the man i love that is all that matters to me. I've been looking for that dress. You know what i mean. That one perfect dress that when you walk down the aisle your soon to be mr will be blown away by. Even though i want it to be simple doesnt mean i want to lose the effect. I've always been a simple kind of girl. I don't like things over the top. I like jeans and t-shirts. I'm not big on heels.

The simplicity of this dress with the open back is just beautiful to me. It has just the right amount of sparkle. This will be the dress i will be walking down the aisle in. I can say that Rob who is my fiance won't be reading my blog cause he doesn't know my url..lol. I love him though.

Until Next Time Ladies

Denise Nicole

Love is Love

So i've gotten those looks before. Although alot less than before. A look like why is a this black women holding hands with a white man? Let me say that i don't personally care what people think about me. But from the beginning i've gotten these looks. I've even told very few man that i wasnt interested because i wasnt attracted to them. I've gotten the "Are you serious ma?" or "You don't know what you're missing" or my personal favorite one, The Blank Stare like i have five heads. I don't care. Since i've started liking boys i've always been drawn to the ones who looked nothing like me. I.E. White, light eyes. I don't know why i feel like this but i do. Deep down im sure it stems from childhood trauma but i like it. I'm used to the looks. The stares. The comments. I know interacial relationships are so more common now but when you're in certain areas you still get those looks. Especially when that said man is blasting dancehall and knows every word.lol. I don't mind those looks anymore. I love them actually. How could you not? If my life is so important that you have to care who i'm in love with than great. It makes me feel special. White man are who im attracted to. My fiance is white and i love him for everything he is, not just his skin color. Love is love and color has absolutly nothing to do with anything.

Job Interview

So i had a job interview for H&M today. Hopefully that went well. Thought id post my look cause i actually put eyeshadow on today which never happens in the summer cause its so hot. Me and the fiance have been spending a rediculous amount of time together which his dad doesnt really like but oh well. I have also decided on the colors of the wedding and we've officially set a date for April 15, 2012. I've asked my maid of honor and one of my bridesmaids but i dont know who to choose for my other one. I'm thinking of asking my hair dresser cause we're really close even though she's my hair dresser. We have a weird relationship.


And this was my face of the day from Friday when i spent the day waiting for Rob to get off work.

That's the albanian flag cause his adoptive family is albanian so he considers himself the same. Im probably going to be updating with more wedding stuff as soon as i get some other things settled, such as a job..lol.

Until next time.

This weekend

So this weekend i went fishing. I dont fish, i just sit there and watch them fish and i take pictures of whats going on and incase he catches a fish. Which he hasnt but im there just incase he does. He was soo close to catching one on saturday morning but the fish spit out the hook.


This was at like 430 in the morning on saturday. We were up at 3 to catch the tide. Let me tell you, it was freazzzingg. I was freazzing. Then when the sun actually came up the husband took off his sweatshirt and gave it to me because i was still freazing. But him and his cousin found a bunch of clams for live bait for later in the day.



The rest of these pictures were from later that day when we all went to deer island and walked out onto the jetty so that they could go fishing. Again, i was cold as all hell. Babe thinks i have anemia or something cause im always cold. So we had matching tops on. It was cute. I had his machine tech sweatshirt and he had the actual shirt on. It was pretty cool to be out there.




And then babe found this and gave it to me. It was the cutest thing.


It was fun. I've spent a ridculous amount of time with him now. And we're really enjoying it. And he's changed. For good. Hes alot more attentive and sweet and doesn't take me for granted anymore. I love it. And im really excited for 2012. Hopefully it will be before that. But we'll see.

Giveaway :)

Ewwwitsnikkis snorg tee giveaway

(click the picture to be taken to her blog)